We all tend to be judgmental. Yes, even me. Although I refrain from vocalizing it, in the past I certainly have many times. Although, it’s human nature, I often think when such judgemental remarks are made publicly, it does more harm than good. By our judgements, we may not think it at that time but, by the act of doing so, we look down on others, as if we are so much better … and that creates division between people; thus disharmony emerges. In society, we often hear of conversations which tend to be judgemental of others; such as racist remarks. This usually stems from the pride of the person who makes the judgemental remark and it is also because that person lacks acceptance or empathy. We should learn to open our heart and accept people; every person we meet has something special to offer if we are open to receive it. We should learn to accept others and try to adapt to them rather than changing them. This we can only achieve if we have Christian charity. The brain is an opinionated judgement making machine that’s quick to process what it sees. Even if we cannot consciously see a person’s face, our brain is able to make a snap decision about how trustworthy they are. According to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, the brain immediately determines how trustworthy a face is before it’s fully perceived, which supports the fact that we make very fast judgments about people. Therefore, judging others is quite normal, however it is what actions you take based on those judgements reveal who you truly are. Judging others has good and bad consequences. When you make choices based on observing and evaluating other people you are using an important skill. When you judge people from a negative perspective, you are doing it to make yourself feel better and as a result the judgement is likely to be harmful to both of you. The more you judge others, the more you judge yourself. By constantly seeing the bad in others, we train our minds to find the bad. Whatever we see lacking in others is merely a projection of our own perceived deficiencies. According psychology professor , Dustin Wood, “Your perception of others reveal so much about your own personality. Seeing others positively reveals your own positive traits and how satisfied you are with your own life, and how much you are liked by others. In contrast to if you are seeing people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and of various personality disorders. Judgmental people have three common traits: They are overly critical, they show no respect for the person they criticize, and they justify what they say because they believe it is the truth. People can become judgmental due to their pride, their hurt and anger at being wronged, a lack of love for others and no mindful control of their tongue. What helps us to get back to having love and understanding is reminding ourselves that everyone is on a different spiritual journey, living the best they can based on what they know. This is an act of charity. Charity, in Christian thought, is the highest form of love, signifying the reciprocal love between God and man that is made manifest in unselfish love of one’s fellow men. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines "charity" as "the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for His own sake, and love our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God". In Ephesians 4:31-32: St. Paul’s classical description of charity: In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul places the greater emphasis on Charity (Love). "So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love." He describes it as: Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. In Christian theology, charity (Latin: caritas) is considered one of the seven virtues and is understood by Thomas Aquinas as "the friendship of man for God", which "unites us to God". He holds it as "the most excellent of the virtues" and specified its role as “the foundation or root” of them all. Further, Aquinas holds that "the habit of charity extends not only to the love of God, but also to the love of our neighbor". St. Augustine wrote: “Charity is a virtue which, when our affections are perfectly ordered, unites us to God, for by it we love him.” What God says about being judgemental? The Bible warns judgmental people that they will be judged by the same measure with which they judge others (Matthew 7:2). Deuteronomy 1:17 suggests that judgment belongs only to God, not to humans. Rather than being judgmental, the Bible instructs people to have compassion and empathy for others (Ephesians 4:32). The statement 'what goes around comes around' is important in our day to day lives. Definition of what goes around comes around informal —used to say that if someone treats other people badly he or she will eventually be treated badly by someone else. “You should not mistreat them. What goes around comes around.” This is relevant to our topic here, as there are consequences to what we say and to what we do. 2 Corinthians 9:6-8. How Not to be Judgmental: First and foremost is to keep the first two commandments: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Remember that no one is perfect. Have this in mind always. But we have to strive to be perfect. Matthew 5:48:” Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect". Uphold Christian Charity. Think with your heart, and your spirit and not your flesh. This requires humility, which communicates that “I am not always right” or “I don’t know it all” Always ask questions to circumvent a situation before making a judgement. Avoid making rash judgements. Patience is required here, to listen to the other person fully and understand the situation before any judgement is made. Be Compassionate and Understanding. Try to understand the other person and or situation. With a compassionate attitude, one may be address the situation in a kinder manner. Putting yourself in someone’s shoes is a great remedy for judgmental behavior. It is quite common to feel a sense of superiority when looking from the outside: “If that was me, I would have made a better decision.” Or, “I would never have allowed this project to fall behind.” It may be that faced with the same circumstances, you would have done exactly what you are judging someone else for doing. If you put yourself in that person’s situation and experience what they experienced, you may reevaluate your approach. Accept people and situations as they are. When you accept people for the way they are and you understand that a person's behavior is their truth that is being displayed, you will be a far less judgmental person. A person's life is their own life, so remember to accept that! Learn to separate the person from the action. “If a person behaves in a manner that is questionable or that you disapprove of, the tendency is to think it relates to a personality flaw rather than the situation. This so-called fundamental attribution error is the propensity for people to overemphasize personal characteristics and ignore situational factors when they’re judging others’ behavior. You may label someone as unprofessional because they arrive late for a meeting they are chairing when perhaps one of their staff members had an emergency that morning. Their late arrival was situational and not part of their habits. Before generalizing, take a minute to consider the situational factors that might have played a role.” Phiona Martin an award-winning Organizational Psychologist. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” John 8:7 Staying self focused helps to not point the finger. Self love and self acceptance helps. Acceptance allows us to assert our own needs, while also accepting that someone else may feel differently from us, for instance, and while understanding why they might feel that way. This approach paves the way for mutual respect and cooperation, as opposed to the my way or the highway perspective. Everyone has a right to be who they are! Everyone has the right to be treated equally by the law, and to have the same protection under the law as anyone else. Turn unnecessary judging into constructive criticism. Constructive criticism does not attack, insult, or be mean in any way. Talk about actions or things, not the person. Don't tell the person he's wrong; don't criticize at all. "Judge not, that ye be not judged." Matthew 7:1–5. What comes around goes around. Judge and be judged. People accept you when you accept them. Mind your business. If you mind your own business, then maybe you won't have so much time on your hand to judge others. St. Augustine on Charity:
St. Augustine reminds us that our truest profession of faith is the way we love one another. One essential part of loving one another is working for unity in the Church. If we love Christ, we love his body, the Church. Whoever therefore has not charity denies that Christ has come in the flesh. Because the end for which Christ came in the flesh, was, that He might die for us. He died for us, because therein He taught much charity. Greater charity than this has no man, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You have not charity, seeing you for your own honor divide the unity. |
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AuthorAn artist, entrepreneur, a loving family man, 30 years a Catholic traditionalist upholding traditions for the love of God. Shop for Catholic giftsArchives
January 2024
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